Itachi for Charity
by Priest Li Xiang
Summary: Itachi likes charities. Especially when he's spending Sasuke's inheritance on them. [Itachicentered drabbles, mostly humor, with some attempts to explain certain 'facts'.]
1. It Helps Me Sleep At Night

**1.**

**Title:** It Helps Me Sleep at Night  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 146  
**Warning/s:** Random OOCness  
**Summary:** Itachi's not getting much sleep.  
**Dedication: **Renji, who's gigai isn't as bad ass as mine. Happy 19th Birthday.  
**A/N:** Random thoughts that popped into the heads of Renji, Ishida and I last night. They went a little too far, and spawned a whole lot of amusing drabbles. This is where it all begins... note: Ren's birthday was _yesterday_, however I ran off to go party with her before I could post this here. It was on the House yesterday, though.

* * *

He was somewhat surprised the morning after his first nightmare. Why was this affecting him so? He had killed before them. He had killed after them. It had been three weeks now, so why were these nightmares plaguing his sleep?

He suffered through seeing their terrified, horrified, furious faces for another seven nights. He was twitchy, and grumpy, and kinda paranoid.

He was breaking his own reputation with these nightmares. Something _had_ to be done!

The first thing he did was slaughter everyone who had seen his out of character actions.

The second thing he'd done was spare the son who _hadn't_ seen him act out of character.

Thirdly... he bought the kid icecream. It was kind of a random action, but it made him happy, and the kid less likely to come after him.

That night, Uchiha Itachi slept with a smile on his face.


	2. SCORN

**2.**

**Title:** The Society for Children Orphaned By Random Ninjas  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 148  
**Warning/s:** Even more OOCness  
**Summary:** Itachi likes charity.  
**Dedication:** Ishida, who seriously needs to stop putting ideas in my head.  
**A/N:** I could be playing World of Warcraft right now...

* * *

Charity, it seemed, was the solution. He had slept uninterrupted for the whole night. NO screaming, no thrashing, no Sasuke-with-puppy-dog-eyed-confusion face to deal with.

Not that Itachi cared about Sasuke.

_((maybe he should check up on the brat...))_

Crazy thoughts about his brother aside, Itachi needed to find a good charity to donate to. Just picking kids up at random and buying them ice cream would kill his wallet.

So he was wandering around some little no-name non-ninja village when he saw it:

"Donate to SCORN, and help the orphans!"

It was perfect! He was an orphan (_granted, he'd committed homicide to be one_), and they were orphans! It was the perfect good deed!

Cheerfully whistling, and making note to memorize the faces of everyone who saw his OOC actions, Uchiha Itachi walked into the Society for Children Orphaned by Random Ninjas.

No, he didn't see the irony.


	3. Bar Tab

**3.**

**Title:** Bar Tab  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count**: 110  
**Warning/s:** I don't think I could be IC if I tried  
**Summary:** Itachi celebrates his freedom  
**Dedication:** Baby brother, who if I have anything to say about it /will/ be Urahara  
**A/N:** You know, we still haven't actually gotten anywhere with this.

* * *

If Itachi had known that it was a bar full of hunter-nin... he'd probably still have gone in. But to kill them, not to get drunk.

As it was, he only peripherally noted that there were hunter-nin in the bar. Itachi was celebrating.

His Club Uchiha Gold Card still worked. That meant that he had the entire Uchiha fortune at his finger tips. (_Sandaime had figured that they could track him through his expenses, this way_.)

Because of this, he threw his arms wide and bellowed, "All tabs on me!"

Everyone cheered, and ignored the fact that he was an S-class missing nin.

He was buying them booze, after all.


	4. Home

**4.**

**Title:** Home  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 80  
**Warning/s:** In Character? What's that?  
**Summary:** Itachi goes home  
**Dedication:** The House, who have to put up with these instead of IS. Suckers.  
**A/N:** And I'll actually get to the more amusing drabbles one of these days...

* * *

Drunk out of his mind, but still coherent enough to kill, Uchiha Itachi stumbled through the door of his home.

Yes, Itachi had returned to Konoha.

Feeling vaguely ill, the elder Uchiha stumbled into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. After a moment, he wondered where Sasuke was.

Then he didn't have time to worry, because he was vomiting. How sad, he'd have to brush his teeth again.

Hmmm, he'd have to go pick up his Gold Card soon, too


	5. Little Brother

**5.**

**Title:** Little Brother  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count: **481  
**Warning/s: **Maybe-sorta in character. But not likely.  
**Summary:** Sasuke is oblivious. Itachi is hung-over.  
**Dedication:** Strata, who just seems to get more and more irritated every time I post one of these.  
**A/N:** Not the original 5th drabble I had in mind, but while I was showering, it just came to me. Mwaha. Longest one to date.

* * *

He was tired. Weary of running around, dodging people, of trying to make life easier. Sandaime wasn't helping, either. Rotten old bastard wouldn't even remove the traitor from the clan registry; said he needed the damn weasel on it in order to track him through his expenses.

Uchiha Sasuke was pretty damn sure Sandaime was getting a kick out of the Uchiha fortunes going down the drain.

He was so tired that, as he entered the house, he didn't really notice the happi coat he'd swept off the floor, folded, and deposited on a chair. He didn't notice the body sprawled uncomfortably across the floor, facedown. He didn't even notice the rather loud snores coming from the body.

"Sleep in your damn room," he muttered, moving on autopilot, his brain not exactly functioning. It had been a long month and a half; first with the deaths, then arranging the funerals, pushing away all the families that wanted to take him in, almost killing that idiot from SCORN, dealing with Sandaime, and the run-around he'd been given every time he tried to remove Itachi from the clan. It just wasn't working.

He'd stripped out of his shirt and shorts, then paused in confusion. What had he said as he'd come into the house? He shouldn't have _said_ anything. There wasn't supposed to be anyone else in the compound!

Leaping into action, the nine year old tore down the stairs, skidding to a stop at the entryway. Yes, that was a happi coat folded neatly on the chair. The embroidery on the back looked like the shop-symbol of that hunter-nin bar that his cousin Yuki used to frequent, back before she'd died-- not from Itachi, actually. She'd died on a mission.

Slowly, he raked his eyes across the room, scanning for the intruder. There! On the floor!

The snoring man looked vaguely familiar from this angle. Long, dark hair. Dark shirt. Dark pants. That looked like hastily removed ANBU armor. ANBU armor that had been thrown-up on.

Cautiously, the young Uchiha approached the apparent ANBU. He seemed dead to the world, perhaps he had wandered into the wrong house by accident? Standing over the other now, Sasuke worried a lip, then shrugged. A drunk ninja generally wasn't a good ninja, so kicking him to flip him over wouldn't _really_ do any damage. So Sasuke kicked him.

And nearly lost his leg.

Crimson eyes glared out at him from beneath a konoha hitae-ate, deep lines only serving to make him look more tired than even Sasuke felt.

"I-i-Itachi!" Sasuke squeaked and jumped back, then fell as his injured leg gave out on him. With a tiny whimper, Sasuke clamped both hands down on the fairly deep slice into his leg.

Itachi stared at him for a moment longer.

"Go clean yourself up, brat. I'm going back to sleep."

And proceeded to pass out.


End file.
